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Page 14It's not without it's flaws but it just feels good to get this done. Feel free to post critiques and comments. I'll start cleaning these up on Monday.
UPDATE: Based on some of the critiques, I tweaked page 13 and added a final page. I like how this feels. I think I'm just going to go ahead and start cleaning this up. That'll take a while so feel free to comment anyway. I may not listen to EVERY piece of advice but it may influence how I clean this up.
I wish my roughs were this clean. The last page is the weakest, There needs to be an extra frame of some sort that tells us something big's about to fall on top of him or has fallen (motion lines, a splat SFX?) or resolve it a different way. It's just all the sudden a giant cherry on top of him.
ReplyDeletebut this is super cool, I'm jealous you got a whole comic roughed out.
I was afraid of that. I think I may add a panel where the guy is looking up while he's covered in a giant shadow.
ReplyDeleteLooking good, Nick. My only concern would be to really clean a few of these up. I didn't know what happened on page 5, it looks like he either screamed or smacked her to me, haha. Also, I think the fat bird needs to be introduced earlier, or have his entrance be set up better for the punchline. I agree with Troy on taking initiative on something like this. I only just today started planning a work schedule to make my own short. Step one: Toon Boom Tests...I need to learn that program
ReplyDeleteHey, Dan! Believe it or not, he actually is smacking her aside. The joke is that he's trying to pull off the putting-his-arm-around-her-as-he-yawns bit but hits her on accident.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I tried doing a setup for the fat guy earlier but people felt like I was trying to tell two stories at once. I dunno, I may take some time to add a page or two to this.
Nice Nick, Can't wait to see it finished.
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